But What If I Suck?

[jennifer_brozek]

I have to admit it, I have stuck my toe into a much bigger pond and I am daunted. I have two pro-sale stories due in the coming months. These are the two big things I will be working on along with my next RPG supplement.

One pro-sale story is "on spec" which means I'm not part of the original group of invitees but I pitched something to the editor anyway and she liked it enough to say, "Write it. If I like it and it fits and I have room, I'll buy it." The other is pro-sale story invite that is "you are invited, you make it in, and it better be damn good." In both cases, these stories will be going to people I very much admire and respect. It is what kept me up last night asking my husband, "But what if I suck?"

As an aside, my husband is awesome.

"But what if I suck?"

"You don't suck."

"You're not just saying that because you're my husband?"

"No, I'm saying that as a reader of your stuff who didn't want to pay attention to you because I was so engrossed in what I was reading…your stuff."

I digress.

I pride myself on the challenges that I have already taken on and succeeded at. I have worked hard to get to where I am. I have worked hard to get the opportunities I have before me. But, now that they are before me, I admit to being scared. I have the "imposter's syndrome" going on. I have the sweaty palms of a teenager in love. The racing heart, too. What if they don't like it? What if they think I'm a hack? What if…?

All I can do right now is suck it up, look at those fears, acknowledge they are here and then put them aside. I have work to do. And I will do the best that I can. Then I will turn the story loose on my 1st Round Readers and hope I have hit the mark. Then I will polish each within an inch of its life and turn it in. That is all I can do.

And after the email is sent, after the work is done, then I can go back to my fears and let them wash over me again.

Comments

[sargon999.livejournal.com]

I so totally know that feeling. You spend years an unknown, honing what you do until you feel like you are pretty good at it, and then you have to step up and actually be good on cue...it's intimidating. Because being told "you suck" at this stage goes a long way towards invalidating what you have spent a lot of years working on - you ability to write well.