Jennifer Brozek

(Crossposted from Jennifer Brozek)

(This is a fictional blog post, written from Melissa Allen’s POV, protagonist of Never Let Me Sleep, Never Let Me Leave, Never Let Me Die, and the Never Let Me Omnibus.)

Adam finally asked The Question.

“What does it feel like to be, you know, like you?”
“Crazy, you mean?”
“That’s not how I’d put it. I mean, I know what it feels like to be afraid of the sky, of falling off the world because there’s no ceiling, but that’s not something you can be medicated for. Not really.”
“How does it feel to see things that aren’t there, hear things that aren’t said, feel things to a point where it’s all too much, or feel nothing at all?”
“Yeah.”
“Overall, it sucks. But, then you deal. You, of all people, should understand what it’s like to just deal with something you have no control over.”

It was a copout. I didn’t want to answer. I didn’t want to go into the anger or frustration or the helplessness. I didn’t want to spiral into…into what I’m spiraling into now. How does it feel to know your brain chemistry will never be considered normal? That it actively tries to sabotage you? That even when you get the pills right, eventually your brain will change and make the pills wrong again?

It sucks. It sucks so bad I don’t think about it. Unless I’m forced to.

Doc and I are going to have a lot to talk about in this week’s therapy session.

But, like I said, you deal. As broken and uncooperative as my brain is, it still has the capacity to deal with its shitty hand. I know I can’t explain it to anyone who hasn’t felt this. It’s too alien. I can’t even try. Not in this “let me fix you/it” world.

Some things can’t be “fixed.” Only understood, categorized, combated, accepted, or mitigated.

I live by the clock, but I survive by the pills.

It helps that my family understands. We all have our own problems. Adam is agoraphobic because of where he grew up. Carrie has the prejudices of her deformity. We all know what’s really out there, trying to get it. We all have the nightmares of our time in the lab. Hell, all of us have been shot. Not many adoptive siblings have that experience to bond them. So we understand when any of us flinches at a car backfire.

But, we still have walls. It’s why Adam asked The Question. It’s why I’m thinking about it now. It’s why I’m sure he’s agonizing over his stupidity at asking. It’s why Carrie will come see me later tonight to see how I’m doing. There’s understanding. Then there’s understanding.

Yeah. It sucks, but you deal until you can’t deal anymore. At that point, either you break or you get help. Sometimes both. Sometimes the help can mend the break. Make you a little bit better.

Right now, I’m dealing with it as best I can. It’s all I can do.

#holdontothelight - Support for PTSD and mental health issues

(Crossposted from Jennifer Brozek)

When I first got home from StokerCon, I wrote:

Home from StokerCon. I did not win a stoker award for my YA novel, NEVER LET ME SLEEP. John Dixon did for his, and he is a complete sweetie. But, I didn't walk away empty-handed. I got to see old friends like Lucy A. Snyder and Jonathan Maberry, meet new friends, pitch the Melissa Allen series to a producer, have an in-depth conversation with an agent, meet Gini Koch, got asked to write a short story, and finished red lining my Shadowrun novel. It was a good convention.

My thoughts haven’t changed. It was a good convention. It was the first time I’ve been thanked by a winner of a major award during their acceptance speech. Lucy gave me a shout out and I appreciate it.

However, I hate the Vegas strip. I can’t say I hate Vegas. I spent time with my friend Drake in the north end of Vegas and it was lovely, if hot and dry. You can buy a lot of house for a lot less money than you can in the Seattle area.

That said, I won’t ever move out of the Pacific Northwest if I can help it. Monday, when I was taking out the trash, I had an honest-to-goodness “Calvin and Hobbes Trash Moment.” I dropped the trash in the can, then stopped and realized how quiet it was. I could only hear birdsong. Not even cars at that moment. The sky was filled with light grey clouds, bringing a depth the world around me. I could actually fill the moisture in the air. After 5 days in Vegas, it was exactly what I needed to truly appreciate where I live.

I’m home now. I’m catching up on email and other notices.

Here’s a really great review of NEVER LET ME from Amazon. This is the kind of review that makes my heart sing.

Also, my location supplement, Colonial Gothic: Roanoke Island, has been nominated for d-Infinity Independent Game Awards for best RPG supplement. I’m not going to win. It’s one of those click to vote popularity things but I’m happy to have been nominated.

(Crossposted from Jennifer Brozek)

Bubble and Squeek is full of all kinds of good news. It helps me get over this terrible throat thing ("acute pharyngitis") I've been dealing with. Thank goodness for antibiotics. I am no longer contagious and will be at Norwescon.

Article: Never Let Me Sleep got a shout out in this article: 13 Horror Books that Might Be the Next Hit Movie. Can I just say, "Yes, please."?

Audible: All three Melissa Allen books (Never Let Me Sleep, Never Let Me Leave, Never Let Me Die) are available for pre-order on Audible! My first audiobook series. This is thrilling and terrifying.

Award: I’ve won 2nd place in the 2016 Jim Baen Memorial Short Story Award Contest! The thing I really like about this contest (besides that it is free to enter) is the fact that it is a blind read. It is the story that won. Not the author’s rep or connections.

Pre-Order: The Usual Path to Publication edited by Shannon Page. My own essay, "No One True Way," has three different examples of how I sold something to be published.

Release: Happy book release day to me. The Karen Wilson Chronicles ebook and paperback omnibus! It has all four KWC novels, every Kendrick story written (even the ones not in the four KWC books), and a new John Corso story. It’s pretty hefty and can be used as a bludgeoning instrument. I am so proud of this book!

Release: Speaking of the Karen Wilson Chronicles omnibus, it is also available in a Signed, Limited Edition Hardback form. We will only sell these at conventions (like Norwescon) and on the AIP website. Once they are gone, they are gone.

Reminder: I will be at Norwescon this weekend and here is my schedule. Hope to see you there.

(Crossposted from Jennifer Brozek)

So much writing on Project Joe! Other than my computer setup exploding on me recently, requiring me to get a new keyboard and to vacuum the dust from the computer, my life is mostly about writing and editing. And petting demanding cats.

EVENT - READING: I will be reading at the University Bookstore in Seattle on Jan 26th. Please come! There will be cookies and book giveaways and I'll be reading from NEVER LET ME which Publisher's Weekly calls "a strong, entertaining tale."

And now back to your irregularly scheduled Bubble & Squeek.

Article: MIND MELD: The Growth and Future of SF/F. An interesting question.

Article: Nightmare Magazine – The H Word: Shifting Away From the Common. I talk about what I enjoy about shapeshifters that aren't werewolves.

Blog: I have a guest blog over at Jim Hines’s Blog site about revealing personal details in your writings. I didn't manage to post about this more than once. So, here it is again.

Event: I am a workshop leader at Foolscap on Feb 5th. I'm teaching a class on writing series called "Combat in the Land of Forgotten Details."

Review: Publisher's Weekly reviewed NEVER LET ME. It's a good review. I'm happy with it. I don't even mind the quibble.

SALE: COLONIAL GOTHIC: LOST TALES. This is one of those "oops, I have a fiction collection" sales. Totally unexpected but very happy for it.

SALE: MAKEDA RED. I'm running the shadows again. This time in novel form. I've wanted to write a Shadowrun novel for ages. Now I get to. MAKEDA RED stars the protagonist from my Shadowrun short story, "Rune's Avatar Cafe."

(Crossposted from Jennifer Brozek)

Happy birthday to me! I turn 45 today. I’ve officially crossed over into that 45-60 year old category. This year, I had four novels, one novella, one fiction collection and an anthology come out. All I want for my birthday is for you to buy one of them and leave me a review. It’s been a standing birthday wish now for about five years. Please consider getting yourself a gift of one of my books for my birthday. You have a great selection.

If you want to know which one I want you to buy… the Melissa Allen series, Never Let Me Sleep, Never Let Me Leave, or Never Let Me Die. I get royalties and kudos on them all but those are the newest.

Apocalypse Girl Dreaming – Fiction collection
Travel from the weird west to the hidden worlds of Kendrick all the way to the far reaches of space. This collection contains twenty previously published short stories and includes the brand new Kember Empire story “Found on the Body of a Solider.” Enjoy your journey and don’t forget your survival gear. Apocalypse Girl is waiting. Includes a foreword by science fiction author Jody Lynn Nye.

DocWagon 19 – Shadowrun tie-in novella
DocWagon—saviors of the needy, rescuers of the desperate. Willing to go anywhere, rescue anyone, as long as that “anyone” has forked out enough advance cash to justify the effort. Reporter Amelia Hart has embedded herself with a DocWagon team to see what their life is really like, and she’s in for a wild ride. From an OD’ing celebrity to an aggressive team of hackers, from pesky gangs to an extremely rich and powerful client teetering at death’s door, this night will give the team all they can handle. But will they survive long enough to remember that in the Sixth World, nothing is truly random?

Chimera Incarnate – Fourth and final book in the Karen Wilson Chronicles
“The Veil is breaking. The Nightmares are coming through.” The supernatural forces of Kendrick may have defeated the Children of Anu, but every war leaves destruction in its wake. And fixing the collateral damage is never easy. The fourth and final volume of the Karen Wilson Chronicles tells the story of what happens when all the chips are down, places of power have been consumed, and one of Karen’s greatest allies teeters on the edge of oblivion. The Grey Lady and her people are fading. Only their pact with the Makah people, and the land of Kendrick itself, is holding their ancient foes at bay. Karen and her allies must find a way to save one of their own before the Veil falls and the world as they know it is destroyed.

Never Let Me Sleep – Melissa Allen #1, YA SF-Thriller
What would you do if you discovered everyone in your house, on your street, and in your town dead? Then discovered you weren’t alone and what was out there was hunting you? Melissa Allen knows exactly how it feels. With only a voice on the phone for help, she must stop what is happening before the monsters find her.

Never Let Me Leave – Melissa Allen #2, YA SF-Thriller
What would you do if you found yourself locked in an underground lab with a murderous alien hunting you? Melissa Allen and her new friends know exactly how it feels. With no help from the outside and time running out, it’s up to Melissa to keep herself and the other teens safe. How can she do that when she’s not sure who she can trust? Someone in the lab helped that alien escape. Someone human.

Never Let Me Die – Melissa Allen #3, YA SF-Thriller
What would you do if your sister was shot and your brother was kidnapped? Melissa Allen knows. It’s been six months since the attack at PAR Lab. Melissa, Carrie, and Adam have settled into a semblance of domestic bliss with Heather as their guardian. Things seem too good to be true. Someone has been watching them. Someone who has no problem trying to kill them.

Naughty Or Nice: A Holiday Anthology – Adult-oriented SF Anthology
With a little bit of nice, a sprinkle of dark, a handful of sexy, and a whole lot of naughty, this adult-oriented anthology is filled with blushes, laughs, and gasps. This is not your average holiday reading. From the story behind Marley's fate, to a little elf who makes the perfect "toy" to the holiday rituals that keep the world going, Naughty or Nice: A Holiday Anthology, keeps the pages turning. Be prepared to be a little bit shocked!

(Crossposted from Jennifer Brozek)

I am home from OryCon and SF Authorfest 9. I had a fabulous time. It was so much fun. In lieu of content, here is a Bubble and Squeek.

Article: Mind Meld: More Children’s Movies that Scared the Crap Out of Us.

Podcast: LIMETOWN. If you aren't listening to this podcast, you are missing out. It reminds me of American Elsewhere and Night Vale.

Review: A Lovely review of Jazz Age Cthulhu and "Dreams of a Thousand Young" from Hauntology. I really am fond of this novelette.

For the Melissa Allen section of Bubble and Squeek...
Article: Over on Wag the Fox: Characters with a mind of their own. AKA why the sequel, Never Let Me Leave, exists.

Article: Why a Bat? Over on Damien Walter's blog, I discuss why Melissa Allen use a baseball bat when fighting monsters.

Podcast: SF Spotlight Radio from 14 Nov 2015. I talk about a lot of things. Mostly the Melissa Allen series.

(Crossposted from Jennifer Brozek)

Writing, writing, writing. Here's a "Melissa Allen" themed Bubble & Squeek!

Article: On SFSignal, I write about Melissa Allen and Mental Illness.

Article: Over at Chuck Wendig's blog, I talk about Five Things I Learned While Writing Never Let Me Sleep.

Podcast:  YA Books Podcast, Oct 7. I talk about all kinds of stuff on this one.

Pre-Order: Never Let Me Leave pre-order is up! Melissa Allen #2 is out in November.

Pre-Order: Never Let Me Die pre-order is up! Melissa Allen #3 is out in December.

Release: Never Let Me Sleep has been released! Lots of good buzz about it. Though, I have to admit, the first Amazon review of it is a little strange.

(Crossposted from Jennifer Brozek)

I am so happy with my Melissa Allen covers. The cover art was done by Ryan Truso. I don't know the model's name. I wanted a corn fed farm girl from South Dakota and that's what I got. An actual teenager on my YA series. I love this.

October 13, 2015 – Never Let Me Sleep (Set in the town of Onida, South Dakota. The nightmare begins and Melissa has to stop the apocalypse from happening.)

November 10, 2015 – Never Let Me Leave (Set in an underground lab in North Dakota where Melissa discovers she's not the only one to save the world... and that someone on the inside wants to kill them all.)

December 8, 2015 – Never Let Me Die (Set in Richland, Missouri. This is my favorite cover. Melissa has had enough. It's been well over a year since that day in South Dakota and she lost everything. She's gained some of it back but now someone else wants to take it all away from her again.)

Jan 26, 2016 – Never Let Me (The Melissa Allen Omnibus with the extra story. The extra story "Never Let Me Feel" gives you a hint of what's to come for Melissa after the events of Never Let Me Die.)

I'm talking about this series on a couple of upcoming podcasts.

(Crossposted from Jennifer Brozek)

In the last quarter of the year, all three of my Melissa Allen books will be released, starting with Never Let Me Sleep. In fact, there is a pre-order page up for it now.

You might notice that this is an ebook only. That’s on purpose—for now. All three Melissa Allen books will be released in ebook form October, November, and December. The hard copy compilation, Never Let Me, the one that will be in bookstores as well as online (and another pre-order page…), is slated for a May 2016 release, and will include a brand new Melissa Allen story.

The release plan is…
October 13, 2015 – Never Let Me Sleep (Set in the town of Onida, South Dakota.)
November 10, 2015 – Never Let Me Leave (Set in an underground lab in North Dakota.)
December 8, 2015 – Never Let Me Die (Set in Richland, Missouri.)
May 3, 2016 – Never Let Me (The Melissa Allen Omnibus with the extra story).

Here is what some people are saying about the Melissa Allen series.

“NEVER LET ME SLEEP is a disturbing glimpse into an unfolding apocalypse. This is genuine nightmare territory.” –Jonathan Maberry, New York Times bestselling author of ROT & RUIN and FALL OF NIGHT

 “It's a cliché to say 'I couldn't put the book down,' but greeting the dawn at about the time I read the final words suggests to me that I really couldn't. The situation is downright creepy, the horror rooted in tension rather than gore, and the protagonist is more than a little fascinating in her own right. Definitely hoping there's a sequel on the way.” –Ari Marmell, author of the MICK OBERON and WIDDERSHINS series

“Taut, tense, and terrifying, NEVER LET ME SLEEP grabs you and refuses to let you go until the final page.” –Cat Rambo, author of BEASTS OF TABAT

 “The main character in NEVER LET ME SLEEP is irreverent and fun, even if her grip on reality is a little shaky. Teenager Melissa Allen struggles to determine why everyone around her has died. Tension and suspense lead to a satisfying ending.” –H.E. Roulo, author of ZOMBIE DOME

“Action, adventure, humanity, horror, mystery and mayhem mark the pages of the Melissa Allen series. Jennifer Brozek’s deft and exciting writing style keeps you wanting more yet also wanting to get to the finish as soon as possible!” –Jake Bible, author of the Bram Stoker Award nominated novel, INTENTIONAL HAUNTING.

(Crossposted from Jennifer Brozek)

I need to take a break from social media so I can get my mind focused on the novel I have due soon. I’m going “internet lite.” No Facebook or Twitter until April 18th. I’m still going to be reading email, IMs, and text messages but only after I’ve made word count for the day. NEVER LET ME DIE has got to be my focus until I’m so far in the throes of it I can’t think of anything else. I’m sure the internet will survive without me. If you must get hold of me, email is your best bet.