![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Imposter Syndrome
Jun. 2nd, 2010 11:27 pmWhile I was visiting my family over Memorial Day, I had the chance to meet up with MG Ellingon. She is one of my biggest fans and biggest supporters. She even set up a Facebook fan page for me. It really was very cool to meet her. We talked writing and Apex and such. We laughed a lot and had lunch together. She even brought me a copy of GRANTS PASS to sign.
However, through it all, I kept wondering when she was going see what a fake I was; that I wasn't anything special and certainly not cool enough to receive the admiration she was giving me. It was all a little surreal. I mean, I enjoyed it but at the same time, I felt like I was getting away with something.
I know that a lot of authors have this feeling. It's called the Imposter Syndrome. I briefly talked with Mary Robinette Kowal about it and asked her if the feeling ever went away and, apparently, no, not really. Even Nancy Kress has talked about it. It's not something I like to feel. There are days when I know I'm one of the hardest working authors I know and I deserve the lauding and praise. But some days, I wonder when the world is going to figure out that I'm just a hack.
I suppose a lot of people in different creative professions have bouts of doubt like this from time to time. Maybe it comes from the necessary rejection part of being an author. Every author out there has been rejected in the past and 99% of them will be rejected in the future. It's just part of the business of writing. Maybe that's why, occasionally, we all wonder if we're just faking it.
However, through it all, I kept wondering when she was going see what a fake I was; that I wasn't anything special and certainly not cool enough to receive the admiration she was giving me. It was all a little surreal. I mean, I enjoyed it but at the same time, I felt like I was getting away with something.
I know that a lot of authors have this feeling. It's called the Imposter Syndrome. I briefly talked with Mary Robinette Kowal about it and asked her if the feeling ever went away and, apparently, no, not really. Even Nancy Kress has talked about it. It's not something I like to feel. There are days when I know I'm one of the hardest working authors I know and I deserve the lauding and praise. But some days, I wonder when the world is going to figure out that I'm just a hack.
I suppose a lot of people in different creative professions have bouts of doubt like this from time to time. Maybe it comes from the necessary rejection part of being an author. Every author out there has been rejected in the past and 99% of them will be rejected in the future. It's just part of the business of writing. Maybe that's why, occasionally, we all wonder if we're just faking it.