Why I Do Not Critique Friends' Work (Or Strangers for that matter)

Friend: I'm writing, and you're a professional. I'd like to send you something to read, and get your opinion on whether or not it's derivative tripe. I can't critique my own work

JLB: I'm sorry but I cannot accept that for the following reasons:
1. Time. I read, on average, 20 short stories a week for APEX and TEoP.
2. Most people cannot accept critiques and I do not sugarcoat it. If it is crap, I say so.
3. Time. I have 4 anthologies to write for. 1 anthology that I'm editing. 1 White Wolf contract to finish and "pays the bills" writing that I'm doing right now.
4. Contract obligations. I want absolutely no question that my work is mine. No "I had that in my short story and you sold it to White Wolf. I demand compensation."
5. Friends who ask for critiques don't stay friends for long.

[More chat about what he could do to get critiques that don't involve me.]

Friend: If you ever find time, unlikely though it may be, I'd appreciate some candid analysis. You're writing impresses me.

JLB: Go to sff conventions and sign up for their workshops. Fairwood would be a good start. But I will always say "No." I don't have the time or the desire to critique other people's work when not in the line of duty.

Friend: Fair enough.