Post Con Letter

[jennifer_brozek]

This is an email I set to someone who contacted me after GenCon about writing for me. This is a person I barely know and only know from GenCon. The interaction happened in a Writer Symposium room just between panels. I was up at the front, preparing for the next panel. There were about 50 attendees in the room.

This is not a letter I should have had to write and, honestly, I'm still pissed about it. But, I did write it and I hope that this writer gets the message on how to act towards people in the industry.

Hello [Censored],

I am feeling better. However, I feel I need to say a couple of things to you.

You did not interact with me in a professional manner and that bothers me. Whether or not the convention is a fun hobby for you, it is part of my job. Not accepting me telling you stop kissing my hand is completely unprofessional and out of line. More than one person noticed and more than one person commented to me about it later.

Also, on a completely personal level, I am angry that you completely disregarded my answer of why you should stop kissing my hand of "Because I'm married." with a flippant "So?" This disrespect for me, my husband and my marriage makes me furious. It should not happen. The response to "Because I'm married." is not "So?" it is to nod, step back and offer an apology.

I know you did not mean anything by your actions but they were inappropriate, especially in that setting. Should we meet again, I expect you to accord me the same respect you would any other business peer.

Thank you,
Jennifer

Comments

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

But an assumption of availability/polyamory/free-flirting only means the initial approach could have been made with good intentions by someone who intended to show polite flattery by his behavior. And that he likely did not realize that the recipient of said behavior was not part of the same subculture, and would not view hand kissing as polite flattery.

It does not in any way condone continuing to take liberties with someone's person after they say "stop".

[cuddlycthulhu.livejournal.com]

Depends. I've seen a number of people who made the assumption that if someone was polyamorous, kinky, pagan, what have you, that because they were any part of those subcultures, or simply assumed that they were part of those subcultures based on the fact that they were at a convention, that violating a person's personal space was ok.

Whether or not it was meant in good faith, a violation still occured. I once had a woman I didn't know smack me with her newly purchased flogger because she heard me talking with a friend about a kinky subject while we were standing in the booth. Sure, she probably meant it to be playful, maybe flirtatious, and was not in fact asserting herself as my dominant in that situation, but that does not change the fact she overstepped herself.

It does not in any way condone continuing to take liberties with someone's person after they say "stop".

I completely agree.

[wyld-dandelyon.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm not saying it's always OK, in any of those subcultures. I'm just saying he might have thought it was OK.

More likely, he's socially challenged, as so many fans are, and either didn't think or doesn't get it. But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, when I can.

[cuddlycthulhu.livejournal.com]

I'm just saying he might have thought it was OK

I understand. Regardless, his actions, whatever his intentions, were still offensive (obviously).

But I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, when I can.

Then you're a better person than I. 8)