jennifer_brozek (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jennifer_brozek) wrote2010-12-02 12:03 pm
jennifer_brozek) wrote2010-12-02 12:03 pm
Entry tags:
But What If I Suck?
I have to admit it, I have stuck my toe into a much bigger pond and I am daunted. I have two pro-sale stories due in the coming months. These are the two big things I will be working on along with my next RPG supplement.
One pro-sale story is "on spec" which means I'm not part of the original group of invitees but I pitched something to the editor anyway and she liked it enough to say, "Write it. If I like it and it fits and I have room, I'll buy it." The other is pro-sale story invite that is "you are invited, you make it in, and it better be damn good." In both cases, these stories will be going to people I very much admire and respect. It is what kept me up last night asking my husband, "But what if I suck?"
As an aside, my husband is awesome.
"But what if I suck?"
"You don't suck."
"You're not just saying that because you're my husband?"
"No, I'm saying that as a reader of your stuff who didn't want to pay attention to you because I was so engrossed in what I was reading…your stuff."
I digress.
I pride myself on the challenges that I have already taken on and succeeded at. I have worked hard to get to where I am. I have worked hard to get the opportunities I have before me. But, now that they are before me, I admit to being scared. I have the "imposter's syndrome" going on. I have the sweaty palms of a teenager in love. The racing heart, too. What if they don't like it? What if they think I'm a hack? What if…?
All I can do right now is suck it up, look at those fears, acknowledge they are here and then put them aside. I have work to do. And I will do the best that I can. Then I will turn the story loose on my 1st Round Readers and hope I have hit the mark. Then I will polish each within an inch of its life and turn it in. That is all I can do.
And after the email is sent, after the work is done, then I can go back to my fears and let them wash over me again.
One pro-sale story is "on spec" which means I'm not part of the original group of invitees but I pitched something to the editor anyway and she liked it enough to say, "Write it. If I like it and it fits and I have room, I'll buy it." The other is pro-sale story invite that is "you are invited, you make it in, and it better be damn good." In both cases, these stories will be going to people I very much admire and respect. It is what kept me up last night asking my husband, "But what if I suck?"
As an aside, my husband is awesome.
"But what if I suck?"
"You don't suck."
"You're not just saying that because you're my husband?"
"No, I'm saying that as a reader of your stuff who didn't want to pay attention to you because I was so engrossed in what I was reading…your stuff."
I digress.
I pride myself on the challenges that I have already taken on and succeeded at. I have worked hard to get to where I am. I have worked hard to get the opportunities I have before me. But, now that they are before me, I admit to being scared. I have the "imposter's syndrome" going on. I have the sweaty palms of a teenager in love. The racing heart, too. What if they don't like it? What if they think I'm a hack? What if…?
All I can do right now is suck it up, look at those fears, acknowledge they are here and then put them aside. I have work to do. And I will do the best that I can. Then I will turn the story loose on my 1st Round Readers and hope I have hit the mark. Then I will polish each within an inch of its life and turn it in. That is all I can do.
And after the email is sent, after the work is done, then I can go back to my fears and let them wash over me again.
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